Lately I have been all over the map in terms of emotions.
I’ve snapped at people close to me, I’ve had a few self-loathing spirals, I just haven’t generally felt myself.
In the past alcohol was the solution to these cycles.
It made the frustration pass quickly and after a few weeks of benders I’d created new problems I could concentrate on so that the subtle more existential ones didn’t need to be ruminated on.
But now without my quick fix cycle of destruction, I have to sit with these feelings.
And I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of what’s really going on when I have these more complicated emotions or reactions.
When I start to get snarky and cut down a friend who has recently told me about her success, the truth is I’m jealous.
When I start to get frustrated because I don’t know what my daughter wants or why she’s crying, the truth is that sometimes kiddos just cry…and I didn’t do anything wrong.
When I start to feel angry with a stranger for something ‘they’ve done to me’ like cut me off while driving, the truth is they haven’t really done anything ‘to me’, they’re just living their life and probably didn’t even notice my car was there.
When I start to pick at my spouse and act unkind, the truth is I’m feeling out of control in my own life and taking my frustration out on him.
When I start to skip nourishing meals and substitute them with candy, doughnuts, and coffee, the truth is I’m trying to create a self-fulfilling prophesy that I’m not worthy of good health.
When I start to feel sorry for myself and spiral into self-loathing, the truth is I’ve forgotten how far I’ve come in the past few years.
When I start to have panic attacks, the truth is I probably need to make an appointment with my therapist.
When I start to want to drink alcohol to make all of the above feelings and thoughts go away, the truth is it won’t make these problems vanish. It will only make me feel depressed.
What will make all of these feelings, thoughts, ramblings, and micro-agressions towards others better?
Being honest about what is really going on under the surface.
Physical and mental rest.
Asking for help.
A trip to the library.
Meditation and mindfulness practice.
A therapy session.
Turning off netflix.
A walk outside.
Drinking more water.
And taking the time to examine what’s below the surface.
What about you my friends?
What helps you when you start to see negative subtext in your lives and interactions?
Thanks for reading and happy sobering friends!